HINDSIGHT & HUMANITY   
[The Healing] 

New Year’s always brings with it a sense of loss, in part, and jubilation in spirit, because it signals change … new beginnings and opportunities, yes, but also the requisite letting go of everything in the past that kept us down, entrenched, incapable or unwilling to move forward.  

It comes easy to some, who welcome every moment of difference in their lives, while others fret constantly over the adjustments in routine, attitude, heart and circumstance that any reconciliation or new opportunity brings.   I had a few of those situations myself in 2008, and don’t look back proudly upon those moments, because I had a chance to do something different with the experience and opted out of that progress.  

There were learning opportunities presented to me – chances to grow, dig in, really test my ability to be compassionate without judgment, instead of copping an attitude when things got difficult, or blaming someone else for my inadequacies as a leader, friend, caregiver, or artist.   And there were challenges in every area of my life last year – big, glaring ‘in your face’ ones, and tiny little ‘hey, over here’ ones, each an opportunity to carve a different outcome in a pre-ordained ‘script’ if I wanted to, because it was within my power  to do so, but the choices I made, were  regrettably flawed.  

Looking back on some of those experiences, I can see different solutions that would have allowed me not to feel so bad about digging in my heels when leadership challenged me, or licking my wounds when love rejected me, or burrowing deep underground when inspiration eluded me and even Faith could not rescue a willing heart hammered down by intolerance.        

I am not proud of the way I handled those situations, because I should have been able to ‘turn the other cheek’,  shake it all off and move on in the journey.   There are all sorts of reasons why I couldn’t or wouldn’t, should have and didn’t, but that is all in the dust  still circling around with the hurricane that blew in and tried to take me out of circulation, but that didn’t happen either.  I am still standing, resilient and strong against those intolerant winds, and better at it today than I was yesterday, even more capable tomorrow, I pray, of withstanding this kind of heat in the driver’s seat, because it is a test, I know of both capacity and resolve going forward.   I am not in this world to go backwards, although it is necessary at times to do that so I can gain a fresh perspective, understand why this journey is so important.  

We are all affected by the actions and deeds of others in our lives, both positive and negative dynamics, and have it in us to change that outcome in humanity for a future world.   I can’t do anything about what I didn’t do or say, or act or behave so far removed now from those experiences.   And hope I am not required to get that up close and personal with such hot emotions again, but suspect as a leader in a new and volatile age, working against the grain by day and night to get this healing journey right, I will be required to take on more controversy, more animosity, more rage and terror in the future, so I can alter the imprint and impression of Humanity … leave Love as my legacy, the reason I was here …

So, when  2009 winds down and I am here again, comparing notes against big dreams of accomplishment, I hope I can say unequivocally then, I did everything in my power to make it so … this possible dream I believe to heal the heart of Humanity … .

Prosperity & Progress [The Process]   2008

Reasons & Readiness [The Race]   2006